Run and not grow weary

Isaiah 40:31 - But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

As I think about how close my husband and I are to reaching the end of our child-rearing season, I realize more than ever the need to keep Galatians 6:9 in the forefront of my mind, which tells us to not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.   Giving up would be the easiest thing to do.  Sometimes I’m tired.  I’ve spent my entire adult life raising children, and while those seem like simple words to say, it was never easy. I have carried and delivered six sweet, helpless babies; I’ve nursed them, fed them, changed poopy diapers, cared for each of them when they were hurt or sick or scared. I’ve tried to protect them. I’ve tried to teach them about God and life and math.  I’ve laughed with them, cried with them, hurt with them, and hurt for them.  I have probably had some form of heartache every single day.  I’ve cried so many tears of joy, and of sorrow.  And it never ends.  Believe me, it never ends, no matter how old you get.  It never ends, it just changes. But a mom never stops loving her kids, or worrying about them.  Are they eating right?  Are they getting enough sunshine?  Are they hanging out with the right people?  Are their friends leading them on the good path, or leading them astray?  Are they dating the right person?  Will they be happy?  More importantly, will they walk with God, will they live a life that’s pleasing to Him?  Will they teach their children to love Him? 

For a mom who cares about her children, letting go of a young adult child is not easy.  We often worry about the consequences of their decisions.  It’s so hard to stand back and watch your children make choices that could hurt them, or watch them head down paths that might lead them away from God’s truth.  Will they make good choices?  Will they fall?  It’s a process of learning to trust God to take care of our children, which will include sometimes letting them crash. 

I wish there were a magic button to push when it’s time to launch adult children.  But there is not. I truly believe it’s a process, and an important one to work through together.  Some things in life might be difficult, but necessary. It’s not something we need to be rescued from. It’s just something we have to go through, and hopefully we get through it with mutual understanding and love. 

I know I have made mistakes.  And, I know I will continue to make mistakes. None of us are perfect. But as we work through this process together, each of my children working on their independence, growth and maturity, and me working on trusting God and letting go, hopefully it can end up being a great relationship.  Who knows, it could even be a friendship.  But if not, it’s ok, because my goal all along has been to raise Godly, responsible, loving, humble, respectable adults, preparing them to go out into the world and live their own lives.  Being friends would be a wonderful bonus, but I know it’s not a given.  To be honest, I would love for my children to be proud of me and look up to me – but that is just vanity. It’s more important that they love the Lord with all their hearts, and want to live their life for Him.  It’s important to me that I know that I at least tried.  I don’t want to give up.

I know all I can do is try to do the best I can for my kids while I still have them near, and do a lot of praying.  Even when they’re out on their own, I could still be a part of their lives. But, if not, I know the one thing I can do, the most important thing, is to keep praying for them. And that is what I’ll do.  

As long as I’m alive, I’ll continue praying for each one of them.  Not that they would have an easy life, but that they’d want to live a life that is honoring to God.  Not that they’d never have pain, but that when they do, they’ll be able to turn to Him to help them through it.  Not that their heart would never be broken, but that their heart will be open to what He wants for them.   

Storms

Today I woke to the sound of sleet
etching my window;
the wind moans to enhance the mood,
my edges, ragged as the stony clouds,
bare, the trees sway and shiver 
as if to say
they understand. 

Today I wake again to sadness, stark
realization of your brokenness
I cannot mend,  
the emptiness I cannot fill.
A storm lingers in your soul,
as we vacillate, from hope to despair,
one minute reaching for life,
coming so close
only to watch it vaporize 
into the air,

lost in the solitude of your mind
you wander alone, just beyond my reach  
I can’t find the way to part the clouds, 
I can't find the way to find you again –
I miss you. 

How I wish I could take away your pain
I want to take it all onto myself. 
But I can’t stop the storm you have raging inside
any more than I can stop the rain 
from falling to the ground at my feet. 

December 2017 

Written for my beautiful daughter who was struggling with depression.  It is so hard to watch someone you love suffering and not be able to do anything to help.  

Breathe hope ~ (terzanelle)

Within the clouds of our darkest trials

Search for the lining with silver hues

Between the bitter tears and hopeful smiles

Surrounded by unmistakable clues

Though His perfect timing a mystery

Search for the lining with silver hues

No need for despair or anxiety

Boldly we ask and expect to receive 

Though His perfect timing a mystery

His promises we can always believe 

He calms the turmoil in our soul

Boldly we ask and expect to receive

Breathe the air which makes brokenness whole

Inhale hope with each desperate breath

He calms the turmoil in our soul

No fear in life, no fear of harm nor death

Within the storms of our darkest trials

Inhale hope with each desperate breath

Between the bitter tears and hopeful smiles

A Mother's Heart

A Mother’s Heart (The River) 

Buster Lucas' baptism

A century of heartache was more than enough

for this kindhearted woman, so gentle, yet tough

Lived through pain that no woman should have to endure

A lifetime of strength, and a faith that was pure

So many years were spent down on her knees

praying for the last of her many offspring

A man who helped others, a compassionate soul

He was made of strong stuff, until drink took its toll

The man underneath, she had cherished since birth

She just wanted to see HIM believe his true worth

before time slipped away and she breathed her last breath.

She feared he’d precede her, just like all the rest

Our prayers can be answered in wonderful ways

This man gave up drinking, his drunk-driving days

He cleaned up his act and he cleared up the air

because hurting someone would be too much to bear

All those years that were spent, his mom patiently waiting

Her faith never failed, always silently praying

Till the day she was hoping for finally came

He went into the river, his salvation proclaimed

After decades of hope, his life had a new start -

First the prayers of his mom, and then God reached his heart

And he finds his true value through God’s only Son

Now his Mom can rest peacefully – her job is done

~~In Loving Memory of Clara Schutz, and her son Buster Lucas~~

© Rebecca Lucas December 2012

Clara Schutz

It wasn't a fair fight

frantically scurrying back and forth,

darting, dodging,

with two cats right on its tail...

it’s long, creepy, mouse tail… but still…

I stood by with a bucket, ready to cover it,

to protect it from harm…

and to compassionately remove it from

this hostile environment

and place it gently in some brush

far down the country road,

far enough away

that it won’t find its way back

But try as I might,

I couldn’t convey my intentions

to my panic-stricken visitor…

For each time I would come near,

hoping to become its savior,

It darted away.

I wonder how many times

we, as people,

in our vain attempts to be self-sufficient

run away from the very One

who is trying to remove us

from our unsafe environment,

and place us gently in

a place of protection.

Instead we turn and dart away

from the very thing

that we’ve been looking for -

Someone to save us

3/18/2013

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.   Psalm 9:9

One of the best days of my life ...

... in late 1985

Countdown

Two minutes left… on the edge of my seat.

I feel defeated, but I’m trying to have

just a little hope, just an ounce of faith.

Why do I have to go through this again?

How many times will I fall for this joke…

giving me just enough foolish hope

to die of heartbreak when my dreams

are dashed again on the rocks of fate.

Here I am again… how much more can I take?

One minute left… then I’ll have a good cry,

like so many other times before,

and I’ll pick myself up, and go on with life…

Life of seeing all those others

holding their little precious bundles

while my arms remain so sadly empty.

Life of watching sweet young mothers

bouncing their little ones on their knee.

I guess this desire of my heart

isn’t His desire for me

It’s time... I say a simple prayer.

“God…… please!  Don’t you even care?”

I can barely open up my eyes,

expecting to see the results I fear.

Wait! Is this real? Yes, it’s clear…! 

The faint blue PLUS sign on the white stick!

Feeling like my heart could burst…

Tears come flooding down my cheeks,

not from emptiness this time.

Today I feel my joy’s complete

I sit alone, half laughing, half sobbing…

I can’t believe it… I’m a mommy!

© 3/9/2013

Ode To My Husband

This life we’ve built on promises we made

When we were yet so young and so carefree

We’ve grown and changed, but love remains the same

And for this life we’ve built, I am happy 

The days have had me following along

With you leading strongly down winding curves

I gladly let you lead ... you chose the ways

You were the one and I couldn't go wrong

We took some unexpected dips and swerves

but handled them with utmost care and grace

You are my love, I’d follow any time

It hasn’t always been a smooth excursion

But growing in our walk is part of life

I’m thankful for this beautiful incursion

Ten thousand days and more with one another

Ten thousand sunsets in ten million kisses

And for our children, bringing joy to bear

I’m thankful to have been called wife and mother 

And for letting down my auburn tresses

Knowing that when I go gray, you won’t care

You’ve loved me through many different trials

and gave me strength to overcome the blows

For your true love was with me all the while 

Of promises we made those years ago

Those promises I plan to keep, completely

We’ll be together when we’re old and gray

Our marriage is forever made anew 

My admiration for you reaches deeply

I’ll kiss you sweetly for the rest of our days

For after all these years … I still love you

August 14, 2013 ~ In honor of our 30^th anniversary